Finding my light at the end of tunnel

How I am overcoming my darkness.

Hi blog fans, Helen back again
Today I want to move on from the dark stories of my life, and work on finding my light again, I miss the bubbly me.
I went out with mum on Saturday to get my hair cut and have a coffee as my dad and herself, were away on holiday last 2 weeks. I love my little coffee outings with mum because she always gives me good advice.
She bought me this gorgeous mug from our local pottery with little bees on it and told me to “bee” happy.
But I’m not here to just tell you how lovely my parents are. I want to talk to you about the methods I am using to find my light again, now although I do these every day, they don’t necessarily work every day.
I’ve recently found my tribe of friends who are super supportive of me no matter my mood, though I am mother hen to the lot of them, someone’s got to look after the brood. I’ve my other half Chris who is my little ray of sunshine, showers me with compliments daily even when I don’t feel I look my best, I’ve Chlo, my little sounding board who I can rant at and she can rant at me. I’ve found my good support network at this job and these are people I want to be with outside of work. Nothing beats and me and Chlo smoothie session.
A few months back I attended an assessment for CBT and I am still awaiting my first session, which is quite frustrating as I do need the techniques to help me cope with the challenges I face on a daily basis. I went through CBT and EFT before, (cognitive behaviour therapy and emotional freedom techniques) which helped for a while but I think that maybe this time my head is in a more receptive place as I am actively working on ways to make me feel better that I think CBT may be just what I need.
I am in the middle of trying to find solutions to help me overcome my challenges. The first of which being my house is too cluttered, I am a hoarder of sorts, I love boxes and books, and my office is cluttered with these storage boxes and crafty boxes that I don’t know what to do. I am writing this post on a Monday so I am going to make a pledge, by the time this blog post goes live I will have my office decluttered and organised. If I keep myself on deadlines I think I can get myself on a healthy routine.
I need to make a 5 year plan for not only my recovery but where I want my life to go. Might do that on Wednesday sit down and have a natter with myself and just see where I want to go. I love my job and where I work and I adore this blog, but I am wondering is there anything else that can make me truly happy.
I have found my stressors to be not being in control of the situation, for example, when I start tidying up and I ask my other half to bring up dvds, and he does but when he sets them down he knocks over a whole flask of tea without noticing and its only when I start to lift some things off the floor I notice they are sodden with the tea. Which caused me a lot of stress because I was on top of it before that happened and I felt back at step one because I had to clean the whole floor and wipe down everything that got tea soaked so a 30 minute task turned into a 60 minute task. At least I had my how to get away with murder boxset on Netflix to help me through it.
I am also a clutter bug, which in itself can be a stressor as I hoard things away and put them in storage boxes only later to wonder where on earth x y and z have gone. So once I get rid of the multitude of storage boxes filled with rubbish and things I don’t really need to keep hold of, I think I’ll have myself in pretty good condition. I think my problem is I try to be this perfect picture of perfection, not a thing out of place, which then my lazy streak kicks in and the perfect picture is smashed on the floor and is awaiting me picking up the pieces.

The reason I write Helen writes is to explore myself, find new lifestyle habits and help those who maybe need a little extra motivation in their week. If I can find my way through my weeds and bloom into a beautiful rose, then so can you.
I need to stop my comparison of myself and my abilities to others because, I will never be them, I am not miss perfect nor do I want to be. I am “flawsome”, I am awesome, I can do it.
My partner and I make time 10 minutes, a week to sit down and clear the air about anything that concerns us, and to express our gratitude for the little things, it just lets us move on with the week ahead without holding anything in so nothing builds up into a petty argument. I find doing this with him every week just helps us communicate and relax that we are stronger than the darkness that tries to consume me.
I am heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope its sunlight and not an oncoming train. (hehe)

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